Can We Make Mom Go?

My mom has taken care of my grandmom for 15 yrs now, in a Mother-in-law style apt at her home. My mom is now ill with depression/anxiety and is in rehab. Dad works full time and wants to pay for and move grandmom close by to an assisted living place. Grandmom says no way. She has dementia and is extremely difficult in all areas..The Dr filled out the paper saying dementia and unable to care for herself. Does dad have a right to take her over there while moms away getting help. Although it is hard to move her, and sad, He and all of us kids want to be sure she is safe and not left alone. She is 87 no cooking, no driving, docters are all wrong. WHat do we do?

Kim in California, 38

Your grandmom is used to her surroundings and is obviously content there. Nobody willingly wants to move from familiar and comfortable surroundings.  But when someone is diagnosed with dementia, their ability to make appropriate decisions is severely compromised.  They often don’t comprehend how much is being done for them, or the impact that all this work has on the immediate family members who are helping meet their needs.

Someone has to be morally and legally responsible for the decisions when an elder loved one such as your grandmother is mentally incapacitated. An elder care lawyer needs to be contacted so that you know your rights and obligations as well your grandmother’s rights in the decision making process. You want to do what is right, but it must be done in a correct and legal way so that everyone is protected.

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